LightHouse for New Hope

The Light in Children and Family's Storms



LightHouse for New Hope
2717 Motley Dr
Mesquite, TX 75150

ph: 972-226-3110
fax: 972-226-3110 phone/fax

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    • *Defining Grief
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    • *Expectations In Grief
    • *Approaches to Supporting Grieving Children
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Approaches to Supporting Grieving Children

  

  

Birth - 2 Years

Understanding

  • No understanding of what death or
    dying is or what divorce means.
  • Separation fears.
  • Searching for the person they have lost.

 

 

 

2 Years - 5 Years

Understanding

  • Difficulty in understanding the permanency of death or a divorce.
  • They have magical thinking, believing that they have the ability or power to cause the death or divorce.
  • If they believe that they caused the divorce or death, then they often think that they can fix the death or divorce.
  • They can believe that their loss is a
    punishment for something they did wrong.
  • Afraid to go to sleep, thinking that
    they may die or someone may leave them in
    their sleep.
  • May believe that dead people “live” in the ground or “live” in heaven and that they should be able to go visit them there.                

            

6 Years - 11 Years

Understanding

  • The reality of a death or divorce is difficult
    for them to believe that this is happening to them,but they realize that it is possible.
  • They have concerns about how someone
    died & the physical aspects of the death.
    Wanting some details of what happens to their loved one at the funeral home.
  • Desire to understand about judges, and what
    court procedures & terminology means when their parents are divorcing.
  • Concerns about what will happen to them if
    their living caregiver should die.
  • Believe that they caused the death or divorce.
  • Believe that they can fix things concerning the death or divorce. 

             

                        

  

12 Years - 19 Years

Understanding

  • They usually have the ability to understand a death or divorce loss cognitively like adults.
  • They may have feelings that they need to take on the responsibility of the person that has died or left them.
  • Strong need to understand death & afterlife; question God’s existence.
  • They tend to believe that their parents divorce has destroyed their lives forever.

      


 

Helpful Responses

  • Keep their routines as close to the same as it was before the death or divorce.
  • They need a lot of physical holding & comfort from someone that loves them.
  • Caregivers need patience when they are expressing their grief reactions.

 

 

Helpful Responses

  • All of the above responses
  • Explain death or divorce in simple terms, always being honest when explaining.
  • Use the words “death” & “died” instead of the words “gone to sleep”, “gone away”,”passed away” or “lost”
  • Answer their repetitive questions concerning the loss, they need to hear the answers over & over.
  • If they are having nightmares, they maybe expressing some of their fears in their dreams when unable to express them when they are awake. So holding them gives them a sense of safety.

 

 

 

Helpful Responses

  • All of the above responses from 2-5 years,
  • Explain death or divorce in relationship to the questions concerning their loss. Giving honest explanations.
  • It is important for them to attend the funeral or memorial services in a death loss. They need to experience this with the whole family. (if the child doesn't want to attend, explore any fears concerning the services & if still don't want to attend, abide by their wishes.)
  • Listen to the things they are saying, giving them permission to express their feelings.
  • Be aware that their grief responses may not make any sense to you or them.
  • Keep your expectations for their school grades realistic, realizing they are grieving.
  • They need meaningful ways to remember & memorialize when someone dies.

Helpful Responses

  • All the helpful responses from previous age groups.
  • Give them permission to still be their age, that you don’t expect them to take on adult responsibilities.
  • Any self-destructive behavior that may arise, address it immediately, don’t avoid it, hoping that it will go away. (get professional help)
  • Listen to what they are saying, when they decide to talk with you. Even if their timing is not good for you.
  • Avoid any power struggles that could occur.
  • If they don’t want to talk to you, find someone who is trustworthy for them to talk with. (grandparents, a pastor, counselor, etc.)


     

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LightHouse for New Hope
2717 Motley Dr
Mesquite, TX 75150

ph: 972-226-3110
fax: 972-226-3110 phone/fax